The party was great, everybody was happy and enjoyed themselves; no matter how unofficial that party seemed; the greatest thing is Kikuchi-sensei was smiling.
Details: During the beginning of the class I remembered that I have forgot my workbooks along my laptop that I was intending to use as a karaoke tool.
The laptop was left in my friend’s car who already left 10 minutes ago, he was in a hurry for the lecture and was already too far to turn around, needless to mention that he maybe underestimated the importance of music in a party, or rather had no time to think about it since his priority is to get to the lecture.
and the party starts, I apologize to everyone that there will be no karaoke for today, which was a breaking news since part of people attended the party with high expectations to see me sing.
“am I a good singer?? ”
My friend’s silly joke “You ruined the party D-kun” really shattered me to the bones, I was about to cry and turned around pretending nothing is wrong; instead I was hoping my friend would return in time to let me sing at least in the middle of the party.
I watched all enjoy themselves, and I ate some of this and that. still waiting, calling him was useless, he turned his phone of in the lecture.
To me the party was not only without music, it was without sound. I watched it through a silent camera feedback.
How hard I have practiced to sing songs… and now I was not in a rational state. I though I’m gonna kill someone.. but was it more anger over myself, or sorrow over ruining that happiness for others. my friend tried so hard to organize the party and I just messed all her work up, at the critical point.
what is the point of thinking now, it’s over.
and my friend arrives after the party has ended handing me the laptop, yes I was happy I retrieved my laptop, but from a side it seemed as an insult; however the blame was all mine.
If I hadn’t thought about the party and carrying my friend’s stuff.. and thought more about my part…. I couldn’t have forget something as vital as singing in that case.
Those remaining asked me to sing, but would I sing and cry.. I rather save the embarrassment. I apologized to Kikuchi-sensei that I’m not feeling so well.
and gave her the song name and lyrics.. so she can at least listen to what I wanted to sing, “Maybe it’s right thing to do, or bad”
I want to see Kikuchi again before she leaves, Maybe I can sing for her and leave my memory in her mind as greatest present of all.
1 hour later, arrived at home.
I took out a cheap whiskey had a sip to get sleepy,
“Since I never drink, sometimes I use a very little amount “table spoon” , that works better than a sleeping pill”
I wanted to forget this day, and remember only Kikuchi.
I didn’t want to eat, and ate only a few spoons of rice and rested on the couch, and I get an SMS on my phone.
“Thank you very much D-san, the party was funny, I couldn’t do it without your help 🙂 Take care.”
I was too sleepy to remember what I replied, but I did realize, at least… there are people who care.
at least. there’s something that made me smile in that day.
“well, I shouldn’t give up that easily”, I said to myself; tomorrow is a new day, and I should sing for Kikuchi, and everyone else; because I want to make people happy. no I want to do that what makes me happy most.
the next time, will be flawless. I want to stop the time and bring music to this silence.