I saw a QA post that caught my attention titled
“What do I do about the kids in my school?”
and felt compelled to write a more in-depth response in a thread instead of just answering the question. I would like to help the teenagers who are going through this.
Rule #1 – Don’t take everything so seriously.
One reason I never got bullied growing up was because I grew up in a family of “bullies” – yet I mean that with the utmost term of endearment. We all like to joke around with each other and make fun of each other just for laughs, but no words exchanged were EVER taken seriously. Because these people were my siblings, I knew not to take slight insults as actual insults but to pass them off as jokes. This toughened me up and allowed me to take certain comments said toward me with a grain of salt and to brush them off.
This is VERY important because how you react to the very first insult you receive from a potential bully will determine if the bully will decide to continue picking on you. So say for example you’re a girl and another girl comes up to you and calls you fat. Instead of staying quiet, putting your head down, and walking away, you can either do one of the following two things:
If you are indeed a bit overweight, agree with her, call her captain obvious for stating it, then reciprocate a joke saying something about her.
-> What this does is it shows that you’re not affected by her insult and are not afraid to stand up for yourself should she decide to come back again.
Option two is (if it is more than one person, like a group of friends) just stare at them for at least 30 seconds with no emotional expression what soever. Don’t frown, don’t let a tear drop, don’t say a word. Let them continue to talk till their finished. Bullies feed off of feedback so the best thing you could do at this point is to give them none of that. When they’ve finally quieted down, just give a BIG SMILE, then walk away. – Trust me, this will scare the shit out of them.
Rule #2 – Understand bullies like to make others laugh and to appear cool.
The second reason I never got bullied in school was because I did some bullying of my own at one point maybe around 8-9th grade or so – and to be honest, it has nothing to do with “having troubles or internal struggles of my own” like others may have you to believe. When I did some bullying it was really only to this one person in school that everyone in the school liked to bully just because his last name sounded funny. So slight insult/jokes were hurled at this person, but I actually always later spoke to him when no one was around to make sure he was okay. To be honest I maybe only insulted him a handful of times, but after I got tired of it, I began sticking up for him when others would go completely over board by physically assaulting him – cuz that shits not cool. (if anyones wondering, he hasn’t committed suicide or anything, he’s done just fine for himself and got over it, even got himself a girlfriend)
But anyway, this mostly only happened when my friends were around so that I would have an audience who would laugh and agree with me. Does any of that shit matter now? No, but at the time of course it does.
Anyway, with that understood, this goes back to what I said in Rule #1 – the bullies want a show, so don’t give them one. Don’t show weakness, learn how return an insult in a joking way, and I would definitely recommend to ALWAYS have FRIENDS around YOU. Don’t walk to your classes alone, don’t eat alone, don’t study alone, get yourself a nice group of friends who aren’t weak either. Not physically, but mentally/emotionally who know how to stick up for themselves. Their attitudes will eventually rub off on you.
Rule #3 – Understand the hierarchical social code
Understand that bullying defines a level of social class among popular teens, and that class becomes defined by:
1.) Who you hang out with &
2.) The activities you’re involved with in school
Obviously cheerleaders, jocks/athletes, are still at the top, now theater kids are making a rise, then theres some other shit like art and newspaper club, idk what else they have now adays I haven’t been in highschool for a couple of years now. But think about it, are you really gonna try to bully someone on the football team, or a cheerleader who probably has friends thats probably dating a jock whos involved in sports?. Are you going to pick on the sassy theater kid that’s super social and probably knows half the school – NO. The list goes on and on.
Students who get involved in school activities become more known by their peers. Even if you don’t become friends with the other teens that become aware that you exist, they will still know who you are and will avoid trying to pick on someone who is probably friends with other people that will kick their ass.
Get yourself involved in activities to make friends with more like minded individuals who will be there for you. Don’t stay to yourself and suffer in silence when you could be having much more fun by creating a socialite of your own.
I can go on and on about this, but truth is, bullying is all about peer social class. Don’t believe the hype of “oh just be yourselffff, you’re specialll, tell a teacherrrrr, they will help youuuu” – they won’t do shit. High School/Middle School kids only care about ONE thing and that’s being cool, popular, and noticed (to get friends, a gf/bf, or to get laid). So now that you understand the thinking behind the logic of a bully, use it your advantage and stop feeling sorry for yourself.
Ok so for those who get bullied on a regular basis already and feel a joke will not work to get them to stop, THAT’s when you go bat shit crazy and scream at the top of your lungs telling them to STOP (loud enough for everyone to hear , add some profanity too) or by punching them in the face.