I was not the most fortunate lad in the world, for it has given me so little, yet so much.
Overtime I’ve come to appreciate the little things I get in life, orphaned from society, alienated from my humanity. In my loss I return to simplicity.
My thanks I’d like to give to my mother who raised me by herself and found the time to nurture me into an educated civilized person despite the hardships and sleepless nights and struggles for the past 20 or so years, thinking of her I find that struggle is irrelevant in the face of purpose and reason.
I’m grateful to the friends who I had and never have those who played a part of my life, no matter how small, and forgive me if I ever left for I never learned to be a friend myself. I’ve been moulded by loss and betrayal so many times I have forsaken true values such as trust, respect, and benevolence; how ever gone I may be once a while I remember what I truly long to find in others… the very values of trust, respect, and benevolence I aim to grow within me.
My wants and dreams may be unreachable however they are simple, as I’d love to be healthy, sporty, full of joy, and dance. as strange it may sound I always was fascinated by a the Russian-Orthodox Christianity that believed in Jesus’ teachings of the good without the intimidation. by love and not hatred, united by only our goodness.
If I were to ever become a politician or in place of power, I would truly promote and hire people based on their good-will and intelligence but never on their experience; college drop outs are my personal favourite kind of people.
I am well aware of my limitations, my humility and lack of confidence. I do not know what good I bring to the world, most of my time I prefer to keep to myself and around others I’m easily hurt and quickly intimidated. some others are considerate of that especially of my friendship is in one way or another valuable to them. but others just enjoy eating of at other people.
Quotes teach me a lot of forgotten wisdom and I drift through life as a by stander because I as one girl once said words I always remember “I’m an idiot who does not know the meaning of life” the hurtful words only hurt when they are right.
I’m going to start writing more senseless things gradually. hopefully. perhaps I’ll get some friends and feel less of a by stander?. by all means take this as an conversation opening letter. comment your thoughts freely and share your experience! post your personal online diary links! I will approve those so long they are not spam. 🙂