In memory of Chester Bennington (Linkin Park)

We live in a world full of hate and murder. Singers live among a class that is internationally versed by diverse cultures and politics, they see the world in its various forms of good and bad, and it’s very painful to see how much good we have and how much good we lose at the cost of careless greedy bastards. at some point in life you have worked so hard and did so much good, to inspire others to do so well… only to see that you’re still stuck in the battle and there seems to be no way out. somehow the world of good we work so hard to get is not there yet… and WHY not. is it not enough for all what we do that we get a better world one without wars, with driven by co-existence and love? The struggle of a creative person is ever-going realization leads to inspiration, but while all emotions can be embraced as part of the package, sometimes you see the big picture and if feels you have given the world everything you could have, and at that very moment you need a close person that will “highlight” the changes and ripple effect of improvements this world has got from you. Chester and Linkin park, always will be who they are, a teacher, a guide, an inspiration, a flame of proud musical culture, quite possibly the best this generation has ever created. May he rest in peace, for he has delivered an ocean full of it.


A letter for an e-bottle ;)

I was not the most fortunate lad in the world, for it has given me so little,  yet so much.

Overtime I’ve come to appreciate the little things I get in life, orphaned from society, alienated from my humanity. In my loss I return to simplicity.

My thanks I’d like to give to my mother who raised me by herself and found the time to nurture me into an educated civilized person despite the hardships and sleepless nights and struggles for the past 20 or so years, thinking of her I find that struggle is irrelevant in the face of purpose and reason.

I’m grateful to the friends who I had and never have those who played a part of my life, no matter how small, and forgive me if I ever left for I never learned to be a friend myself. I’ve been moulded by loss and betrayal so many times I have forsaken true values such as trust, respect, and benevolence; how ever gone I may be once a while I remember what I truly long to find in others… the very values of trust, respect, and benevolence I aim to grow within me.

My wants and dreams may be unreachable however they are simple, as I’d love to be healthy, sporty, full of joy, and dance. as strange it may sound I always was fascinated by a the Russian-Orthodox Christianity that believed in Jesus’ teachings of the good without the intimidation. by love and not hatred, united by only our goodness.

If I were to ever become a politician or in place of power, I would truly promote and hire people based on their good-will and intelligence but never on their experience; college drop outs are my personal favourite kind of people.

I am well aware of my limitations, my humility and lack of confidence. I do not know what good I bring to the world, most of my time I prefer to keep to myself and around others I’m easily hurt and quickly intimidated. some others are considerate of that especially of my friendship is in one way or another valuable to them. but others just enjoy eating of at other people.

Quotes teach me a lot of forgotten wisdom and I drift through life as a by stander because I as one girl once said words I always remember “I’m an idiot who does not know the meaning of life” the hurtful words  only hurt when they are right.

I’m going to start writing more senseless things gradually. hopefully. perhaps I’ll get some friends and feel less of a by stander?.  by all means take this as an conversation opening letter. comment your thoughts freely and share your experience! post your personal online diary links! I will approve those so long they are not spam. 🙂



Suicide note with no date.

Why there is so much hatred? because I’m just as good as castrated, but even worse…
In all rationale it seems that sexuality is completely omitted from my life at this stage, I do not recognize my gender, I do not want to have any sexual activity and even when I do I am never satisfied, therefore it is not even worth the effort to consider it the best I can do is avoid the urges and hope that as I get older the less I want it or to otherwise simply surgically remove it altogether.
The life of a circumcised male (where the procedure effectively delivered it’s intended damage) is a being that has no capability of sexual or emotional empathy a hollowed good for nothing do-it species similar to a mule (it does not reproduce, it is obedient, and it has capability of achieving self-characterization because it’s very purpose of life is taken away).
So why do we exist? why have I not killed myself yet?
there’s a simple answer to that, because I’m still serving someone… like a parent, or close friends. but in some moments I do have this realization the moment I don’t have someone else to live for…. I cannot live for myself… I seek no reason I simply await my death to relieve me from suffering.
This isn’t poetry, this isn’t some fan-fiction writing, it is more of a suicide note without an expiration date. should I ever die.. you will know that my life was taken away the moment I was sexually mutilated. what am I now is but a walking corpse of nothing.
I know many of you may find this morbid, But I also know many of you may find themselves in this situation…
What is the purpose of life? is to enjoy it and live it to the fullest, that is what I will never attain, that is what non of the circumcised males will ever attain.
The horrible thing about this world that a majority of circumcised men seek to compensate with their sexual disability by violence, ignorance, justification to circumcise others, and until all circumcised men realize and confront their fears, this havoc will go on running.
What was once a salve mark, a rape-punishment, and later a sacrifice to Satan (A Jewish god). has now become a serious epidemic of misery, the spread of hatred, the reason for wars, and a political statement by the Zionist order, to mark their rule over your most sacred territory, that you are not the owner of your body, sex, or soul. this is property of Zion.
That’s why I want to die.

It’s been a while…

It’s been a long ti,e since I wrote on my public diary, almost about a decade during which I have learned a lot. Looking back I can see how wise I was and where inexperience was a key factor in learning and improving. Sometimes being experienced isn’t a positive thing. Sometimes what you need is a skill only the curious and the fresh can have. And that skill is intellect, curiousity, ability to adapt and ability to turn everything into fun and excitement. A key to any performance made wonderful.

I have learned how technology is meaningful only if it comes with a 10 year support or durability. And that’s a key rule in buying ,you electronics.

I have learned what it means to be a manager and know how to a fair leader, when to Crack the whip and when to give flowers.

I have learned the effort it takes to create a beautiful art, and much more the effort it takes to create design a wonderful software.

And I’m truly forever inspired by the likes of Steve Jobs and Dieter Rams.
We live in technology and all we care about is results, less did we care about its impact on our health and the idea that we look at screens 80 percent of our sight time.   Tablets, cellphones, computers, tv, ordering in restaurant, card scanners, work laptops, and sometimes even kitchen appliance, microwaves, modern watches, car stereos and navigation and speedometer.  and the list goes on and on. It is as significant invention as the wheel itself!

So will one day VR be the wheel of the Internet of tomorrow.

And that brings me to the discovery of second life where I live a second free life where I can meet friends from all layers of society unbiased and fair, respectful and colorful, where the purpose is to find a better progressive community a day life is worth living. For many consider it a game I find it truly amazing.

Many more might I write soon. .. perhaps tomorrow or the next year.   But I truly hope wordpress the best in what has done. And for it to keep my content available for generations to come.  🙂  special thank you for being a great platform for bloggers!

Little Tigress

A couple of months ago I had the privillage to meet one of the nicest people to me, open, patient, friendly, and over all rounded, self-respectful well established personality that I easily became inspired by.

Little Tigress, and I’ll call her Tiger, first came into my life as a co-worker, as every Tiger equipped with fangs and claws she seemed very intimidating.

keeping distance seemed like the best approach. but I was no ordinary animal either, I was born on the Chinese zodiac year of Snake, as a curious Gemini my curiousity got the best of me this time and I walked on and asked her out on a lunch.

Little Tiger smiled and said “sure”, I was expecting a polite turn down, or maybe a confrontation of some sort… Tiger didn’t bite me, Tiger didn’t fight me at all… I had a meme face of “What Sorcery is this!”


Later afternoon off we went into my car, it’s Just me and the intimidating tiger, (keep it cool Dino!! keep it cool!) I tell myself… this should end up at best to be a good friendship, just like the other girls I talk to on my daily basis, when something is intimidating its better to face your fears and sleep better at night but in this case, I’ll feel more comfortable at work!

Tiger didn’t want to go anywhere, Tiger didn’t want to eat..  Tiger is actually vegitarian!  *giggles*  I never befriended vegitarians I have no idea how they survive, and here I was getting all sorts of images in my head…. images like this


Looks like a tiger but doesn’t eat meat, not so scary after all! but it can’t be that simple a bunny with worrior stripes must have a story behind her… Interesting isn’t it?

For a snake I do a terrible job, I’m awkward naturally and the best way I can cope with my awkwardness is to be open about it and share my thoughts in all honesty… I bet all you guys and girls reading that are turning your heads that I’m going the wrong way about it… but ask yourselves the question had you been that Tiger what would that Tiger really want… the tiger now is intimidated; it’s not because I did something wrong, it’s because I did not do something wrong… the fear of the unknown… Tiger sees fangs and now I know that the Tiger is really a bunny… All the tiger wants is the truth the assurance that I’m no hunter either… so truth I gave…  long story short she doesn’t buy my truth she expects a mischivious evil human truth…

People experience life differently and you should never take words for what the total Truth is. whether it’s the truth I say, or the truth she was told to protect her from the wild Jungle of modern human environment…  The truth doesn’t really exist, the closes you can get to it are the convictions you choose to believe in.

What government can do


Government does everything it can do to cast further control
With disregard for the greater good such as ethics, decency, or preserving humanity.

1: Internet is the ultimate surveillance tool
2: Banking is the ultimate financial control
3: Genetics is the ultimate deformity and mutilation tool
4: Medicine is the ultimate life enslavement tool

Continue reading “What government can do”

Words of Wisdom by – Random Awkward Silence

Life is about making peace with what is. you cant change your past.
a person is what he chooses to be
you can achieve your dreams
you can be happy
you chose to believe you cannot because its who you choose to belive you are
you cant chase happiness
thats not how it works
i was depressed for almost 9 months
all i could ask was “whats wrong with me. ill never get the girl. ill never be anything”
“why arent i happy. what is happy”
but happiness is a butterfly that if you chase will allude you. but when you give up chasing it, and look around at the world, will land on your shoulder
dont chase happiness… just look for inner peace
*Some personally identifying data was replaced with meaning-preserving alternatives.

Admiting pain | Circumcision

Click to view image, (Warning, very graphic)

In response to a listener who couldn’t bare the horror… @Blahtherapy

I also studied the psychological impact and I fully expect you to deny me.

because the alternative is to admit the horror..
your mind will fully fight with all excuses possible to justify your condition.. it’s how our minds work..

My dying wish.. is for barbarism to stop, for people to stop raping. suicide bombing, for greed to disappear and for human species to unite.. I have a wish so huge so impossible to achieve within my lifetime.

but if I had the power to be reborn and be spared.. and know that my body belongs to me.

I would give anything ANYTHING to have that.


I lost everything in my life once.. I was a kid.
I was poor.

and I thought to myself “nobody will enslave me”..

that I belong to myself and that was my power..
imagine when I found out. that I was abused before I even knew it.

At age 13 I realized.. my life was a lie.

In my heart I did not believe it..

that god would be wrong and man would be right.

Everything I heard about it felt illogical and unjustified. I was always analytic. I was raised to think this is why we are given brains.

….  Chat disconnected …

For people inerested in circumcision news and death tolls

please visit

Website also has an amazingly accurate illustration guide of a functional mechanics of intercourse (adult content 18+)



Love yourself!! – By Miriam on #Blahthrapy

Loving and accepting oneself is not easy. Both society and media constantly attempt to set certain “beauty ideals” and exhort women and men to follow and imitate these ideals.The first thing that you could do is consciously take the decision to love yourself.
You really need to want it or else it’s going to be difficult. Comparing yourself to others certainly doesn’t help.
Everyone is beautiful in his/her own way. Find what makes you unique/different from others.Trust your partner. If he tells you that you are beautiful than it is the case. Why would he lie to you?Also, why don’t you try to look at yourself from a more positive perspective. When you’re in front of the mirror, look at yourself and find the things that you like best.
If you can’t see it at first, ask your partner and try to see yourself through his eyes.A healthy diet and keeping a journal may reinforce the process by putting you in a better and more positive mood.
Bear in mind that this process is gradual. It takes time, nothing will change immediately. You can, for instance, make a list of the things you don’t like and try to transform these “negative” things into positives.
Hopefully the positive list gets longer and longer.Accepting compliments is also healthy. If your partner tells you you’re beautiful, don’t reject it.
Think about it and try to understand it.Believe in yourself! You can do it! Best of luck 🙂 If you need anything, feel free to message me.   – Miriam

Amazing Interpretation of Love by TIA

Love is the most complicated, confusing, amazing thing that can happen to anyone,
It’s not a word that should be tossed around. Love is an act ,of kindness, of helping someone without expecting anything in return. Love is bringing joy to someone, love is sharing the emotions of a person and going through there problems, helping them with it. Love is a verb and it means thinking of someone before yourself, it means sharing your time and attention with someone.   by  TIA